I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
