i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
