i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
