She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
