Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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