sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
