my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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