I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
