I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
