ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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