I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
