Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
