just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
