what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
