So drunk its hurt
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
