her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
