remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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