fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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