Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
