we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
