I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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