also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
