If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have aggressive nipples.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
