Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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