Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
