Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
