very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
