My brain says no but my pants say off.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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