White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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