So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
