So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
