I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
