What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
