it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
