why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
