Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
