3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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