i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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