nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
