Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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