Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
