I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My feet surprised me
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