we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
