So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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