I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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