the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
