covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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