The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
