Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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