He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
