Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
