I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
