I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
