I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
