She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
