I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
