And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
