I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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